Ask the Experts: How to Thank Your Mentor

Question:

I am at a transitional point in my career and recently met a consultant who I have recruited as a professional development mentor. However, this gentleman is not being paid on a consulting basis. I asked, and he has agreed voluntarily, to meet with me for one hour either on a monthly, bi-monthly or quarterly basis.

Upon meeting at a local cafe for the first time, he spent more than an hour listening and advising me about various options that I am pursuing. My question is this: since we probably are going to meet on a monthly basis, should I send a thank you note after each time that we get together? My present inclination is definitely to send a thank you after this initial visit. But what about subsequent get-togethers — should I do the same each time?

First Answer:

First, kudos to you for seeking out a mentor. Such an individual can not only have a strong impact on your career but give you pause to reflect on your career, its direction and whether you’re on the right track on a regular basis. Regular gratitude is certainly in order, but as with any business relationship, you want to manage the relationship appropriately.

To start, send a handwritten note at the outset of a mentoring relationship, thanking the individual for his willingness to commit to your career and personal development. Ask your mentor to let you know if there is ever anything you can do in return and commit to being respectful of his time.

After each meeting send an email thank you note. It can be brief, but will remind your mentor of your ongoing appreciation of his advice. Be sure to indicate how and when you’ve acted on his advice. It will show your mentor that you’ve been paying attention and take his guidance seriously.

Because mentoring relationships are often lengthy, recognize your mentor once a year (the holiday season is always a good time) for his commitment to helping you. Put thought into your gift–I had a mentor who mentioned early on in one of our conversations that when she was younger she wanted to be a florist. I sent her a big bouquet of flowers with a card alluding to her early career aspirations.

Finally, don’t forget to ask how you can reciprocate. Be sure to spend some time in the conversation asking you mentor how things are going for him. If you can’t give him contacts or upward advice career-wise, pay attention to his small talk. Perhaps he’s looking for a restaurant recommendation for his anniversary, or a summer camp suggestion for his daughter. You can always go out of your way to seek some suggestions for him and include them in your email thank you notes.

— Susan Strayer, Assistant Director, Career Services, School of Professional Studies in Business and Education at the Johns Hopkins University and founder and President of University and Career Decisions

Second Answer:

Relationships – personal or professional – are meant to be cultivated. If you want to reward a mentor – paid or unpaid – let them know how they have helped you grow. Each and every time.

— Steve Levy, Principal of outside-the-box Consulting

Third Answer:

Rather than sending a thank you note each time, you might want to consider a follow up note stating what information was helpful and how you plan to apply what you talked about. Because this person is donating his time, some acknowledgement each time you meet is important. Speaking from the standpoint of a career consultant, I am sure that he would much rather hear how you plan to use the information discussed rather than just thanking him for it.

— Linda Wyatt, Career Center Director, Kansas City Kansas Community College

Fourth Answer:

Yes, you should thank the consultant each time. It’s just common courtesy to thank people for their time. However, you can use a little creativity in how you offer thanks.

For example, you could sometimes send a newspaper or magazine clipping that you think might interest the consultant. Or perhaps an amusing cartoon or comic strip. Or if you hear about an upcoming lecture or cultural event that might interest the consultant, you could use your thank you to tell him about it. Or perhaps inform him of a Web site of interest. You might event occasionally send a small gift, such as a potted plant, gift certificate, or tickets to an event.

You could also sometimes vary the medium for your thank you by, for example, sometimes expressing appreciation via e-mail.

If you use your imagination in the way you thank him, your expressions of appreciation won’t seem seem stale or repetitive.

— Katharine Hansen, former speechwriter and college instructor who provides content for the Web site, Quintessential Careers, edits QuintZine, an electronic newsletter for jobseekers, and prepares job-search correspondence as chief writer for Quintessential Resumes and Cover Letters

Fifth Answer:

I think there are two issues here. One is about whether or not you need to thank someone who does a voluntary service for you on a regular basis, and the other issue (which you didn’t mention but I think is important to note) is whether or not (and for how long) you would want to accept professional counseling from someone you don’t plan to pay.

Let’s start with the question you did ask:about sending a thank you note after every visit. If this consultant normally gets paid for his services but has agreed to meet with you for free, you absolutely need to compensate him in some way for his services. My suggestion is to sincerely thank him every time you meet in person, and at the end of your counseling sessions you should send him a personal gift commensurate with approximately what his hourly rate would have been for all of those voluntary sessions.

Which brings me to point two: No one likes it when they feel that someone is trying to take advantage of them. If the person you are meeting with is a bona-fide expert, keep in mind that free counseling is not “free” as the fees are being donated from this person’s own pocket.

You don’t always get what you pay for in life, but you always pay for what you get! Free counseling sounds great, but is this person you’re consulting really the best suited and most qualified to help you reach your goals? Would another expert possibly be better matched to your needs, even if you had to pay extra?

I ask these questions because I’m a personal public relations expert and life & career counselor who does private counseling. Amazingly, I am constantly asked to work “for free!” I always wonder how many other professionals who as for my advice would be comfortable if I asked for free piano lessons, or medical care, or tax returns, etc! The point is, while there have been occasions where I have given free advice for a very compelling reason, I’m a professional and giving advice is part of the way I make a living (smile). Your sessions aren’t “free” at all as the funds to pay for them are coming out of your counselor’s pocket. If you are getting professional, high-quality advice and he is qualified to give it, you don’t want to abuse this relationship!

My suggestion (if you feel that your new mentor/counselor is really giving you great advice to help you reach your goals) is to sit down with him at your next session and let him know that you appreciate his generous offer to assist you, but that you would like to set a time frame for reaching your goals with his “coaching.” If, after that time, you haven’t reached your goals, it’s time to either quit working with this person, or start paying him whatever his regular rate is. This accomplishes two things: first, it shows your counselor that you value and respect his services, are invested in the process, and take this advice seriously. It also shows him that you aren’t going to take advantage of his largesse, forever without giving anything back to the process.

— Alison Blackman Dunham, life & career expert, columnist, personal public relations consultant, half of THE ADVICE SISTERS®, and the author of the ASK ALISON career advice column

Sixth Answer:

Since this gentleman has agreed to be your mentor, a valuable gift of his time and attention, you should send thank you notes each time, detailing the benefits you received from the session. I also would highly recommend that you buy him lunch at the cafe. It would also be most thoughtful to send him small gifts of appreciation, like movie tickets or gift certificates to the local bookstore.

— Tracy Laswell Williams, certified job and career transition coach, accredited resume writer and founder of CAREER-Magic.com

Seventh Answer:

To get ongoing coaching from a consultant pro bono is quite a gift. Experienced coaches charge several hundred dollars an hour (often contracted by the coachee’s employer); career counselors charge approximately $75 to $200 an hour (rising with experience) in the New York City metro area, less in lower cost-of-living locales. Many beginning coaches and career consultants offer their services at no cost in order to gain experience; check out his credentials and how long he’s been offering such advice. If he’s inexperienced, I wouldn’t rely exclusively on his advice: you don’t want to be the guinea pig he learns on. You should have or develop a “board of advisors” of trusted former supervisors, professors, working professionals in your field (or one you’re attempting to enter) that you can run career decisions past. There’s also the small chance that his coaching is a guise for roping you into a commission-only sales job, multi-level marketing program, or worse, a scam investment opportunity. Always get references before you hire an individual, and call them. Ask what professional associations he belongs to and to whom you can talk to in those organizations who know his work. Hopefully, you’ve run into a genuine expert who’s decided he wants to mentor or coach someone out of a desire to give back to his profession or society at large.

In answer to your specific question, a thank you note after a first free consultation is thoughtful. Somewhere in your discussions you should agree on the time frame for free advising: 3 months, 6 months, whatever you are both comfortable with. What should come out of subsequent consultations are action steps, and your notes to him going forward should be about your taking such steps and reporting on their outcomes. Also, you want to keep your eye out for opportunities to give something back to this person: an article he may have missed on a topic of importance to him, sports or theatre tickets, an introduction to someone you may know who could be useful to him, a lunch. Relationship building is a long-term deal, not a I-have-to-give-as-good-as-I-get-TODAY transaction, but it can’t be a one-way street over the long term.

— Carol Anderson, Career Development and Placement Office, Robert J. Milano Graduate School of Management and Urban Policy at New School University in New York City

Eighth Answer:

You ask a good question regarding thanking your mentor/coach for the voluntary service he has agreed to provide for you. This service typically commands a price tag of $75-150 per hour which means he is spending valuable time assisting you in your pursuits. Sending the thank-you note for the first time you meet is definitely necessary, however, I would find a more creative way to thank him for subsequent times. Of course, always thank him for his time and acknowledge that you understand his time is valuable. Next, focus on finding other creative ways to show your appreciation. But first, make sure you follow through on all the actions items you have agreed to take part in from your coaching sessions with him. This is what makes coaching a real success because it helps you to keep moving in the direction of your goals. If you meet at a coffee shop…buy him a $20 pre-paid card so he doesn’t have to pay for his coffee each time. Do other “thank you” types of gestures such as; send him a certificate for a certain book store or other such places. You can decide how much you want to spend and still save hundreds yet show your appreciation. The main thank you though should be shown through your willingness to follow up on anything you have agreed to do. That is what a coach is looking for in a great client.

— Terese Corey Blanck, Principal, College to Career

Ninth Answer:

A thank you note after your first meeting is quite appropriate. However, a thank you note after each and every meeting will be burdensome to both of you and overkill. The genuineness of the message will be subject to suspicion. Even worse, it will put you in a very disfavorable light.

To explain further, you would not send a thank you note to your professor after each lecture. Nor would you send a thank you note to your lawyer after each consultation. So it goes with your consultant. Although there is no monetary exchange, you still have created a contractual business relationship. Both of you are sacrificing time that could be spent in other endeavors in exchange for the benefit of your gaining more sophisticated insights and advancement and your consultant’s gaining further experience in coaching.

So do write an initial thank you note that memorializes some highlights of what you discussed, your gratitude for the commitment to meet on the agreed-upon periodic basis, and how you look forward to gaining from this arrangement. It will serve two purposes:

1. Acknowledge the amount of time, depth and quality of the information and advice that was given to you.
2. Confirm the contractual relationship you’ve established.

More important to your consultant will be something that you have not thought of yet. After about four to six meetings, you can write a testimonial for him that he can include in his portfolio or on his website. This is a more tangible benefit he will derive from the “sacrifice” he incurs. In the testimonial, you will want to talk about the amount of time you’ve been meeting in terms of frequency and number of hours, how you were coached, the effectiveness of the solutions and advancement strategies he has helped you realize, and confirm that (as you stated in your question) you “hired” him.

Many people take advantage of the offer of pro bono coaching and consulting and completely forget that the client testimonial is a golden thank you note. Should your relationship endure for more than six months, I further recommend that you provide a second testimonial at the end of your relationship that sets for the above information.

Finally, another way to thank your consultant on an ongoing basis is to send him referrals who are paying clients motivated to do the work and realize the gains he can help them achieve.

May all of your Entrances be through the doors of success!

— Yvonne LaRose, career and professional development coach, Career and Executive Recruiting Advice

Tenth Answer:

If I were in your shoes, I’d definitely do some sort of thank-you acknowledgement after each meeting you have with the consultant. Maybe it’s a written or emailed thank-you sometimes and a verbal or phone call thank-you at other times. To me, the WAY you do the thanking is irrelevant; it’s THAT you do the thanking that counts.

I really don’t think you can “overthank” someone who is helping you for free. OK, 10 phone calls or emails a day would be pushing it — but a thank-you after each time you talk just can’t be anything but good.

One strategy that might help you feel you’re not “overdoing” things — and that at the same time would help the consultant feel good about what he’s doing with you — is to be SPECIFIC in each of your thank-yous. That is, thank the consultant for something SPECIFIC you learned or gained from each meeting. A comment like “Thanks for meeting with me” could potentially be seen, eventually, as somewhat insincere on your part. However, a comment like “I particularly appreciated learning about the struggles you experienced while working in pharmaceutical sales” is bound to be seen as well-thought-out on your part — and will also help the consultant understand that your appreciation is truly genuine.

Thank YOU for thanking the CONSULTANT! 🙂 Too many people forget or neglect such courtesies these days, unfortunately.

Good luck to you!

— Peter Vogt, college career counselor, President of Career Planning Resources, and a Personal Career Coach with College to Career

Originally posted by alwin